So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
