the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
