I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
it's great music for shaving your balls
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
