Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
