I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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