It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
