i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
