had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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