At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
