it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
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