fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
