I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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