I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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