we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
