never play flip cup with pint glasses
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
