what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
