porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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