We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
