dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
