She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
