I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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