My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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