trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
