He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
just tell him i said nine months
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
