Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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