Cold hands, warm shart.
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Randomize
