I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
