I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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