Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
