sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Randomize
