I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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