chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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