Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
