take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
