we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
