And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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