you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
