Only a mothe r could love this liver
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
