I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
