you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
