Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
