Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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