dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
