Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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