I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
