Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
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