remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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