You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
