you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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