Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
